The Weight We Never Wished to Carry

“Kabaraslan.”

This is a word I often hear whispered by the elders during family gatherings, heavy with meaning I could not yet grasp. It speaks of “something that must be repaid, reciprocated, or returned in the future.” People would say, “May kabaraslan ka sa mga tawo nga nagbulig sa imo,” as if every act of help came with invisible chains—an unspoken expectation that one day you must give back.

Growing up, I was constantly reminded of these expectations. But over the years, I realized how exhausting it is to be bound by a belief that I should repay or fulfill something, someday—especially when I’m still trying to figure out my own life. It’s a weight of responsibility I never asked for—a debt I never wished to carry.

The Filipino culture of “Utang na Loob” teaches us that kindness is never truly free. It comes with a cost far greater than money: obedience, silence, and sacrifice. And while gratitude is a virtue, it becomes dangerous when it turns into a lifelong sentence. The quiet question lingers: how long must we continue to repay this debt?

For someone who still has so much to explore in this world. It becomes a burden. When you only think about yourself, you will be labeled ungrateful. Yet if you give endlessly you risk losing sight of who you are—of your dreams and the life you are meant to live.

This practice often becomes an excuse for people to take advantage of us and expect our kindness in return simply because they have shown us theirs. If this continues unchecked, it can slowly consume us, until the day comes when we realize we have given everything and there is nothing left for ourselves. I can only hope that I never lose my life, my dreams, and my joy repaying debts I never chose to owe.